All Roads Lead to Charo.

Don't get it twisted: I love, love, The Golden Girls, like any person of sound mind should. But one thing troubles me: if Sophia Petrillo came to the United States as a teenager, why is she rockin' a Brooklyn accent and not a Sicilian drawl? I know people who have been here for 50+ years who are still barely comprehesible (I'm looking at you, Charo.) What gives?

Speaking of Charo, did you know she is literally like 150 years old? Not really, but she claims to be 10 years younger than she actually is (ahem, Catherine Zeta-Jones.) Charo married some guy 44 years her senior when she was 20. Obviously, he was charmed by her killer flamenco guitar-playing skillz. But maybe not so much by her lip-syncing:


She also coined the phrase "cuchi cuchi," which is as profound as it is useful. Plus, she was on all the best shows, including but not limited to The Love Boat, Hollywood Squares and Chico and the Man and recently made an appearance on VH-1's train wreck Ru Paul's Drag Race, which before I saw it, I was hoping was about drag queens operating motor vehicles. She also naturally pioneered the "duck lips" look long before Meg Ryan, Melanie Griffith and Jay Mohr's piece co-opted it. Charo looks like a pekingese, but is working it. Bravo, Charo. Or shall I say, "Cuchi cuchi?" Cuchi cuchi, Charo. Cuchi cuchi.