I don't drive very often, but when I do, there's always a theme. It's like the first idiot creates a topic sentence by doing something stupid and then everyone else plays the role of supporting sentences by doing something similarly dumb. The conclusion comes when I've reached my destination, fuming with rage. PEOPLE ON 'LUDES SHOULD NOT DRIVE.
Some popular themes embraced by stupid drivers include:
1) Let's cut you off and then go 12 MPH in front of you. A slight variation on the theme is the related "Let's cut you off and then repeatedly brake for no discernible reason." Like why do you HAVE to get in this lane when there's nothing wrong with the one you're putting along in? STAY THERE AND LEAVE ME BE.
2) Even though we're on a 4 lane highway and there is not another car in sight, I'll ride your bumper instead of passing. New Jersey, I'm looking at you. Any time this happens to me, I guess that the car will have NJ plates (they're usually tailing too close to see in the rear view) and I'm right 98% of the time.
3) Taking up as many lanes as I damn well please because I'm too busy like, WATCHING TV while I'm driving. I swear I was behind a car with a TV screen in the sun visor yesterday. WHAT IS THAT? Do we need to be entertained at every waking moment, at the expense of careening into other cars?!
4) If I am not sure where I'm going, I'll just stop in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD to figure it out. No need to actually pull over - I'm the only person in the world who matters!
These are but a few. What are others you've experienced?
Now that I'm living the glamorous life of driving to work, here's my current favorite. "I don't need turn signals, and don't think you can figure out where I'm going by which lane I'm in." Unless you are BATMAN in the BATMOBILE, use your turn signal! Because, guess what? You're not BATMAN and that thing you're driving that looks like a hearse and a station wagon had a bastard love-child? NOT THE BATMOBILE.
ReplyDeletemaybe that could be what you yell out the window to people instead of giving them the finger: "YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!!!"
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure the worst drivers hail from West Virginia.
ReplyDeleteCAUTION: DO NOT use your turn signals on the Garden State Parkway....if they see you being polite they will close in and you will miss your exit! There are certainly different rules for driving in NJ.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever come to RI. It's like zombies ate everyone's brains, I wish I was joking.
ReplyDelete