Conference calls suck. You can't see anyone's face or body to judge what they're REALLY trying to say, and there's always some jackass dialing in from the street who can't hear what's being said because of sirens, horns honking or screaming homeless people. I was on a call today and wondered what would happen if I just started making oinking noises. Or just flat-out started saying, very softly, "Oink. Oink. Oink." Would anyone say anything? Someone try it and tell me.
Here are some conference call archetypes:
1. Darth Vader - the guy with emphysema who pulls the heavy breathing routine
2. The Aggressively Clueless - the one who asks dumb questions about stuff that was JUST EXPLAINED
3. The Babysitter/Dog Whisperer - the one with the wailing baby or rabid dog barking in the background. "Don't mind me. I'm just half-assedly supervising a hoard of 10 year olds who are demanding some purple stuff."
4. The Overtalker - won't let anyone get a word in edgewise
5. The "I Called this Damn Meeting but Can't be Bothered to Phone in on Time and Therefore I will Make you Listen to the Muzak Version of Huey Lewis and the News' Happy to be Stuck with You While You're on Hold Waiting for this Godforesaken Meeting to Begin"
Any others?
P.S. It's my birthday next week and I'm asking for that ALF phone.
6. The person who calls in to the audio conference and then forgets to hit "mute" so we spend the whole time half listening to the presentation and half listening to side conversations with their co-workers, or the sound of them typing. And, just announcing to all of the people on the conference to hit the mute button doesn't work, because *that* lady isn't even listening, she's doing 3 other things that we can all hear!
ReplyDeleteThe echoer - just repeats what someone else just said, either prefaced with "ya", or adds some extra hand-waving.
ReplyDeleteThe web surfer - you can hear 'em typing!
Not being invited to a conference call makes me feel stupid
ReplyDelete