Kitchen Capers.

Here's what's nice: having a kitchen at work so you can refrigerate your tuna sandwich instead of keeling over, dead from whatever malady befalls one who dares eat room temperature mayo (I personally refuse to believe that mayo would ever beget harm on anyone - it is manna).

Here's what's less nice - the slobs you work with who are hell bent on sullying every surface in the place. You know the types: those who treat the kitchen as a TOY and not a PRIVILEGE. A magical wonderland featuring a never-ending supply of artificial sweetener, coffee stirrers and microbes. Spilled your coffee? Just leave it on the counter! Dropped some paper towels? They'll pick themselves up! Be sure to lube up your hand with barbecue sauce before you open the refrigerator door to give it a nice veneer of "disgusting." On the inside of the fridge, leave unwrapped, half-eaten Italian hoagies for a minimum of 5 days. This will help the meat properly age to the appropriate level of putridity.

Don't be a chump when using the microwave: covering your food is for suckers! Don't be selfish: be sure to heat up your stank leftover flounder so everyone can take a voyage to the bottom of the sea with you. Avast, ye mateys!

With the proper level of care and attention to detail, the workplace kitchen can be just like Disneyland. With botulism.