Have you seen these new Miracle Whip commercials? You must click on the hyperlink because it is ri.donk.u.lous. The premise is that Miracle Whip is the most badass condiment to hit the streets since freakin' Grey Poupon so WATCH OUT, MOFOS.
Are you kidding me? MIRACLE WHIP being posited as some kind of cutting edge flavor-enhancer? This has got to be some kind of meta-joke, right? Because as far as I'm aware, Miracle Whip is a discount mayonnaise knockoff.
And we don't even have to talk about how amazing mayo is. It is manna from heaven. No ifs, ands or buts. Show me a snack more delicious than mayo on a piece of white bread. You can't, because it doesn't exist. Mayo is the world's most perfect foodstuff, and this Miracle Whip nonsense is some kind of cruel joke. "Salad dressing"?! Are you for real? What does that even mean? Why do I need "salad dressing" on my sandwich? I don't, so get it out of my face.
Miracle Whip is nightmare fuel. Unless you like having your brain eaten by goats at the bottom of an empty swimming pool. Then it kinda rules.
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